Record of the Year

Has there ever been a more fun song than “Uptown Funk?” The answer is heck no. Everyone loves this song: moms, children, old people, those people who hang out in front of grocery stores and Oprah, probably.

Album of the Year

This award has meant nothing ever since Beyonce lost for her self-titled album in 2015. Wounds may heal, but they always leave a scar.

Song of the Year

I’m going to choose “Blank Space” because I am white. Taylor Swift is my destiny. White people love Taylor Swift.

Best New Artist

Although he’s not nominated, I think Justin Bieber should win. He’s had a tough year and this award would make him feel better.

Best Rock Performance

My heart is telling me sedimentary should win, but igneous has really been making a comeback this year. Guys, I really don’t know rock music.

Best Pop Solo Performance

Let’s not pretend like Taylor Swift is the best singer. Kelly Clarkson won American Idol when it was still cool. Let her have this.

Best R&B Performance

Tamar Braxton should win on the basis of this song alone. She impromptu raps about labor pains while laying in a hospital bed before delivering her baby. Has there ever been anything more iconic? The answer is a solid maybe.

Best Country Solo Performance

“Best Country Solo Performance” is an oxymoron. That’s like being the coolest person who still quotes “Mean Girls.” I mean yeah, you’ve won, but what is that really saying?

Record of the Year

As a Weeknd and Taylor Swift fan, it’s extremely difficult to decide who wins what award. But for Record of the Year, I see “Uptown Funk” sneaking up and taking it away from the rest of the contenders because of its impressive vocals, mixing and popularity throughout the year. Sorry, Abel.

Album of the Year

Even though my initial reaction is Taylor Swift, I’d have to say Kendrick Lamar’s “To Pimp a Butterfly” deserves this award. Amazing songs, incredible lyrics and an odd, but intriguing album title all make it worthy of the award.

Song of the Year 

“Blank Space” all the way because once this song gets in your head, it’s never leaving — in a good way.

Best New Artist

While I don’t want him to experience the ‘Best New Artist Curse,’ AKA where they disappear into oblivion, James Bay deserves this award. Although I love Bay and his music, it could easily go to Tori Kelly instead simply because of her incredible and unmatched vocals.

Best Rock Performance

If Alabama Shakes doesn’t win this for “Don’t Wanna Fight,” I don’t know what the world has come to.

Best Pop Solo Performance

Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space.” Enough said

Best R&B Performance

I’m going to have to go with “Planes” by Jeremih because if I’m completely honest, it’s the only one of the nominees I actually can listen to without getting a headache.

Best Country Solo Performance 

Carrie Underwood’s “Little Toy Guns” deserves to take home this award because she’s beautiful and is the only American Idol to ever achieve anything, in my opinion.