The opening number of “Cats” left me searching for the exit. I was thrown into a plotless show with a sudden dance number and no explanation.

From the very beginning, the bizarrely designed costumes burned my eyes. Even after finishing the entirety of the movie, I still cannot wash the image of the overly-sexualized cats from my brain. Why was it acceptable and unquestioned for the cats to sometimes be wearing clothing while others were not? Other times, the cats would literally strip on screen, on one occasion shedding a layer of skin with a zipper. 

In the remake of the stage production, the typically booming vocals were lost to the muffled sound of popcorn. I came into the theater excited to hear the powerful vocals of the headlining celebrity cast members, such as Jason Derulo and Jennifer Hudson, but was disappointed by how their solos were far and few between.

The writer of the musical “Cats” and the director of the movie remake must have been out of their minds when they took on this project. That is the only possible explanation I can think of for the choices they made.

Visually speaking, I was baffled. The cats were proportioned with the set in an attempt to make them the size of actual cats. However, some cats were shown smaller than the height of a railway track, while others were big enough to fill a reclining chair. It simply doesn’t add up.

The only redeeming qualities of the show were Rebel Wilson’s performance and her cast members’ solo vocals. Sadly, Wilson’s appearances were minimal and the stunningly strong vocals were overshadowed by a shocking absence of plot. 

It is problematic for a show to lack a true conflict or climax. If there is a deeper meaning in the show, it was buried by incoherent songs and disturbing costumes. The whole show lacked clarity and purpose ⁠— after sitting through the longest two hours of my life, I am unsure if I watched someone else’s fever dream or a cat lady’s love letter to her herd of kittens.

“Cats”: ★☆☆☆☆