I arrived at Cornell University’s summer college program with the expectation of having one of the best experiences of my life. What I envisioned would be a three week class of learning and growing quickly turned into a reality that I never could have imagined.

I anticipated challenge in multiple ways. I’ve always struggled adjusting to change and settings with a sense of uncertainty. I signed up for what I thought was the most demanding class of the program. Even with potential obstacles, I felt ready to step out of my comfort zone.

Less than 24 hours upon arriving, I felt as if my expectations were already slipping away. Within the first day, I felt homesick and anxious. I hadn’t made it through one night and I had already called my mom on the phone, crying.

The class I felt so thrilled about turned out to be a stressful, agonizing experience of academic hazing and sleep deprivation. While I stayed up reading and writing, I wished for a class where the work didn’t decrease my enjoyment of the program. Although I would’ve loved to spend time away from school with the friends I made, we oddly bonded over the stress of our class.

Numerous times I asked my parents to come home. Through constant homesickness, anxiety and panic attacks, I questioned my decision to come every day, yet somehow I remained. The class never became easier, but I came to terms with the situation and knew I would never forgive myself if I packed up and left.

Looking back more than a month later, I still have trouble processing my experience when people ask if the program was worth attending. I now realize not every experience in life will be a utopia. Change is natural and necessary, even if it is discomforting and disappointing.

Everyone will have experiences that don’t suit their expectations, testing their bravery and perseverance. While there are many aspects of my program I wish were different, I can only learn and move on. I left Cornell having exposed myself to a new environment while making friendships I hope will last a lifetime.