My name is Olivia, and I’m a recovering bully. I have been nice for six years.

My earliest memory of bullying was in kindergarten, when I tried to glue an innocent kid to his seat. While I didn’t succeed at the act, I did earn a reputation for being the “mean kid.” I learned while the teachers were not always pleased with me, bullying reduced the amount of kids who would bully me.

When I was a chubby second grader, I thought I ruled the school. One day, a boy peed his pants in class, and I could not stop myself from pointing and laughing at “what’s his face,” which he replied with a glare and called me a “fat cow.”

From then on, my teacher thought it would be a great idea to always have us paired together, in hopes we could “work out our differences.” One day, as “what’s his face” and I were glaring at each other from across the table, he sneezed. Instead of saying the polite “bless you” or “gesundheit,” I responded by kicking him as hard as I could in the shin.

While I was happy I could make a boy cry, my teacher was not as pleased with me. I was sent to the referral room and was told I could go back to class if I would apologize to “what’s his face.” But, that was not an option for me. I was not going to give up my hardcore status just to go back to class. I ended up staying in the referral room for a day and a half.

While I’m not condoning being a bully, I can tell you firsthand kids bully for other reasons besides just being naturally rude. I realize now that I was so afraid of people bullying me, I thought if I was the bully, other kids would be too afraid to be mean to me. It was my form of protection.

People use all sorts of methods to prevent harm; elbow pads, immunizations, helmets. I used bullying.

The point of my peculiar past is that anger often comes from fear. Just because you are trying to protect yourself, does not mean you should be defensive to the point of mean.

I’m not entirely proud of my past, but I have learned that actions do not always correlate with intentions. Also do not glue people to chairs.