Concept of coming out marginalizes

I have a girlfriend. However, I have no desire to tell you so in a quick, terrifying moment of lowered inhibition, before anxiously waiting for you to tell me you still like me.

The concept of coming out of the closet for LGBTQ+ people suggests there’s something so hugely different about you that you have to dramatically reveal it to everyone before you can be true to yourself — if you haven’t formally announced it, you’re practically deceiving people.

The emphasis placed on coming out also implies that everyone must be straight until proven otherwise and makes gay people feel as though they can’t talk about their crush or significant other to someone new without it being a big, potentially uncomfortable revelation.

Straight people tend to hold the misconception that coming out is a one-time event, however gay people have to go through this process over and over again when meeting people.

Society should stop expecting gay people to come out and instead allow them to be gay with no formal announcement.

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Society should stop expecting gay people to come out and instead allow them to be gay with no formal announcement.

— Allison Cramer

More often than not, people make assumptions about sexual preference based on whether a person looks “traditionally queer” by heteronormative societal standards. For example, conventionally masculine boys and feminine girls are automatically assumed straight by most people.

Ideally, no one would make assumptions about another person’s sexual orientation, especially based on appearances.

By asking a group of girls what boys they like at school — a common experience for many — you make the assumption that everyone there identifies as straight. This marginalizes some by forcing them to explain that, actually, they might like a girl.

Using gender-neutral language when making inquiries about someone’s crush or love life allows LGBTQ+ people to feel comfortable and included.

Additionally, when some straight students joke about being gay at school, they use their straight privilege to marginalize gay students and make their identities into a punchline. These actions make it more difficult for gay students to feel nonchalant discussing their feelings.

If someone reveals they’re gay through talking about their crush or the person they’re dating, act no different than if they’d shown themselves to be straight. Coming out should not be a requirement before they can do so.

I hate that I always stop myself before casually talking about my relationship with new people because I’m scared of defying their expectations.

The only reason gay people have to come out is because someone assumed they were straight.